The Great Predicament: Chained to a Madman

Dr. Abramowitz reveals that since adolescence, men are “intensely focused on sex” to the point that it impacts thoughts, decisions, and relationships, constantly succeeding in distracting us from our personal potential. This intensity is a phenomenon that has been present throughout history and culture.

• The Madman Analogy: Dr. Abramowitz quotes British author Kingsley Amis, who described his 50-year relationship with his active libido as like being “chained to a madman”.
• The Bleed-Over Effect: The problem is not confined to the bedroom. Dr. Abramowitz asserts: “sex bleeds into all the ways that we try and make sense of ourselves and the world as men”. How men first meet and manage the “sex urge” greatly informs who they become as adult men.

The Disappeared Conversation for the Heterosexual Male

A core reason for this predicament is the lack of serious inquiry for the heterosexual man. As members of the “heteronormative” group, men are often “green-carded” out of needing to figure out the relationship between their personhood and their sexuality.

The book specifically addresses the “men in the middle” of the bell curve, straightforward men who are not perpetrators or seeking medical intervention, but who seek to make sense of their sexuality.

The Hindrances: Objectification and Missioning

The conversation tackles specific issues that prevent men from achieving adult realized sexuality:

1. Objectification: A central predicament is the objectification of the female form that begins at puberty. Dr. Abramowitz asks: “how does my relationship with sex keep me from really seeing the person living inside the body of a woman?”. He notes that research shows men tend to fantasize about the body parts of women, while women’s fantasies are generally more contextual.
2. Orgasm Missioning: Chapter 5, “Cognitive Reproductivism,” explores the tendency toward “orgasm missioning”. From an evolutionary biological point of view, once ejaculation happens (the “final whistle goes”), the biological interest often disappears. This focus hinders true sexual awakening and intimacy, and delays the becoming of the mature masculine.

The Pathway to Sexual Self-Agency

Dr. Abramowitz’s book provides a roadmap to help men develop an expanded version of themselves by changing their relationship with their original “junior sex mind” paradigm.

• New Language: Recognizing that “we can only think with the words that we already know”, Dr. Abramowitz created new words (neologisms) and phrases throughout the book. This language provides an “alphabet” for a new understanding of self and opens up new possibilities and “pathways” in self-discovery.
• Practical Application: Esau praised the book’s accessible language, graphs, and images, making the complex subject easy for the common man to digest. The book includes a dedicated practical workbook, Chapter 8: The Playbook, which offers exercises for self-reflection and practices to use with a partner.
• Redemption and Courage: Merely examining these long-standing predicaments in Chapter 2 provides a “sense of spaciousness”. This work is “courageous and brave” because it breaks a “very very long cycle” of thousands of years of silence around male sexuality.

Dr. Abramowitz’s final message for men is simple: “Grab the opportunity and take the first step. Begin the journey, break the chain, break the silence of thousands of years”. By doing this work, men can bring the best version of themselves to their partners and model a new, healthy relationship with sexuality for their children.