Frequently Asked Questions for Therapists & Coaches

Part 1: Foundational Questions - Understanding the Core Purpose

These initial questions provide a foundational understanding of Sexed, clarifying its core mission, intended audience, and unique position in the landscape of literature on male sexuality. For professionals evaluating Sexed for their practice, grasping this foundational context is non-negotiable. It is the lens through which all the book’s subsequent theories and terminologies must be viewed to be applied effectively.

What is the central premise of SEXED?

The central premise of SEXED is a direct challenge to the superficial, “vacuous,” and often comical cultural understanding that men are simply “hardwired for sex.” Author Paul Abramowitz argues that this common narrative fails to capture the complexity of the male sexual experience.

The book proposes that true male self-mastery is only achievable by integrating what the author identifies as a “previously fractured relationship between our humanity and our sexuality.” This integration is presented as the antidote to the internal conflict many men experience. The book’s intention is to move beyond statistical analysis, which often feels disconnected from personal reality, and instead provide a framework for a “tangible and grounded understanding” of the powerful force of male sexuality.

Who is the primary audience for this book, and how can it benefit therapists and coaches?

The primary audience for this book is men who are on a quest for self-development, self-mastery, and a deeper understanding of their own sexuality.
For therapists and coaches, SEXED offers significant value by focusing on the “non-pathologised” majority of men—those who do not fit a clinical diagnosis for sex addiction but still experience a “persistent calling” and a form of “cognitive disabling” around sex that impacts their lives. Abramowitz provides professionals with a new language and a structured framework to explore the often-unaddressed topic of male sexual vulnerability. This is crucial because when men are not invited to explore their vulnerability in relation to their sexuality, especially in therapeutic spaces, these issues remain in the shadows, often emerging in painful and confusing ways.

How is SEXED different from other books on male sexuality?

SEXED distinguishes itself by deliberately moving away from the conventions of traditional sexology. Abramowitz consciously avoids an overload of quantitative research, statistics, tables, and graphs, arguing that such data often “negate and disaffirm our lived experience.”
Instead, the book is grounded in qualitative research, relying heavily on men’s personal narratives to explore the “nuanced and fine textures of actual lived experience.” This approach prioritizes subjective understanding over broad, impersonal data sets. Furthermore, Abramowitz introduces a unique lexicon of new terms (neologisms) to create a “clean slate” for discussion. This is done intentionally to move beyond words that carry “foregone associations and conclusions,” allowing for a fresh exploration of sexuality.

What does Abramowitz mean by focusing on "form" over "function" in sexuality?

Abramowitz makes a critical distinction between “sex” and “sexuality” to shift the focus from performance to presence.
Sex is characterized as representing the cultural obsession with function and outcome. This includes a focus on performance metrics such as multiple orgasms, new positions, or the sheer number of sexual experiences.
Sexuality, in contrast, is presented as the art of form. This encompasses a deeper engagement with awareness, presence, and connection during sexual encounters. It is through the exploration of form, the author argues, that sexuality offers the possibility of genuine transformation and healing.
To support this view, Abramowitz cites the work of Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, who calls for sex therapy to attune to the “transformational experience of sex rather than mere entertainment.” This emphasis on form over function is positioned as a necessary evolution in how we understand and approach sexual well-being.

With this foundational context established, we can now proceed to the theoretical core of Abramowitz’s work.

Part 2: Core Philosophy - Exploring Abramowitz's Central Framework

This section deconstructs Abramowitz’s key theories, which serve as analytical tools for the modern practitioner. By understanding “The Predicament,” you can validate the experience of non-pathologized male clients who feel stuck. By grasping “Reproductive Biological Intelligence,” you can offer a non-shaming biological context for compulsive thoughts and behaviors, shifting the therapeutic focus from moral failure to mindful partnership with one’s body. These concepts form the theoretical backbone of Sexed, reframing the conversation around male sexual experience from comedy or pathology into one of serious, self-reflective inquiry.

What is "The Predicament of Male Sexuality" as described by Abramowitz?

“The Predicament” is defined as the difficult, ongoing, and deeply personal struggle men face in making sense of their “calling towards sex” and its constant, often overwhelming, distraction. Abramowitz argues that this predicament is not limited to those with clinical sex addiction but persists for the vast majority of “non-pathologised” men.

It is a state of internal conflict and confusion that stems from several interconnected factors:

A constant state of sexual flux: a persistent tension between sexual compulsion and the awakening mind’s awareness of this powerful current.
The medicalization, commercialization, and entertainment valuing of sex, which robs it of deeper meaning.
The powerful, often unconscious, influence of Reproductive Biological Intelligence (RBI).
The lack of meaningful discourse around male sexual vulnerability.

This predicament is the direct result of the “split” between humanity and sexuality that Abramowitz identifies as the core wound the book seeks to heal.

What is "Reproductive Biological Intelligence" (RBI) and why is it a cornerstone of the book?

Reproductive Biological Intelligence (RBI) is the author’s term for the body’s innate intelligence that specifically oversees the perpetuation of the species. It is a cornerstone of the book’s framework because it reframes the “sex drive” not as a psychological desire for pleasure, but as a biological imperative for reproduction.

Abramowitz describes RBI as an “override system” with the capacity to “bamboozle, outmanoeuvre or trump the male consciousness” to ensure its primary goal is met. RBI achieves this by utilizing key hormones, most notably the testosterone-dopamine loop. This hormonal partnership creates what the author calls a “hypersexual ‘force field'” that presents as a sex drive but is, at its root, a powerful and relentless reproductive drive designed to ensure the survival of the species.

How does Abramowitz explore the connection between puberty and a man's adult sexual identity?

Puberty is presented as a profound and “life-altering event,” a “perfect chemical storm” in which a boy’s brain is marinated with 25 to 30 times more testosterone. This is not just a physical transition but a radical psychological and existential one.

Abramowitz conceptualizes puberty as an “unmet hero’s journey.” In this model, the boy is separated from the reality of his childhood and initiated into a chaotic and overwhelming ordeal. However, unlike the classic hero’s myth, this journey often lacks a clear “homecoming”—a guided process of integration and sense-making. The boy is left to navigate this new reality alone. Consequently, the unexamined experiences and coping mechanisms developed during this period often persist into adulthood, leading to what Abramowitz terms “Stagnant Chronically Expressed Pubescent Sexuality (SCEPS).”

Abramowitz discusses a "split" between humanity and sexuality. What does he mean by this and why is its integration important?

Abramowitz’s core conjecture is that a unified expression of manhood and self-mastery can only be achieved by integrating a previously “fractured relationship between our humanity and our sexuality.” This “split” refers to the tendency to treat sexuality as a separate, often problematic, component of the self, rather than an integral part of one’s whole being.

The book’s central therapeutic goal is to heal this split, which the author identifies as a “nemesis to any man’s quest for wholeness.” He argues that any attempt at self-development or self-mastery is ultimately “folly” if it does not put sex “under a microscope” to address this fundamental dyad. Integrating the two allows a man to move beyond being a servant to his biological drives and instead partner with his body, bringing conscious awareness to his sexual nature.

Having deconstructed the book’s core philosophy, we now turn to the specific terminology Abramowitz introduces to articulate these complex ideas.

Part 3: Key Terminology - A Guide to the Language of SEXED

To discuss sexuality from what he calls a “clean slate,” free of existing cultural baggage, Paul Abramowitz intentionally coins new terms (neologisms). He argues that our existing vocabulary is often insufficient or loaded with prior meaning. For the practitioner, mastering this lexicon is essential for grasping the book’s unique framework and applying its concepts. This section defines some of the most critical terms.

What is the Systema Sexologica?

The Systema Sexologica is the author’s term for the “working system” of self-discovery related to one’s sexuality. It is not a rigid doctrine but a framework for the journey toward understanding one’s unique sexual makeup and achieving deeper intimacy. It has two primary functions:

To examine the texture of one’s current sexual being, including beliefs, behaviors, and biological drivers.
To fashion that lived experience into a personal “learning lab” for exploration, reflection, and conscious change.

Define "Human Sexual Design" (HSD), including its two components.

Human Sexual Design (HSD) refers to the unique sexual make-up and expression of an individual. It is not a fixed state but is open to evolution through self-awareness and intentional practice. HSD is composed of two distinct but interwoven parts:

Biological Sexual Hardwiring (BSH): This describes the “fixed-firm” biological drivers that are acquired before birth and fully awakened during puberty. It is the physiological foundation of our sexual selves, primarily governed by Reproductive Biological Intelligence.
Emotional Sexual Hardwiring (ESH): This describes the emotional drivers, beliefs, and coping mechanisms that arise as a direct consequence of meeting the profound biological changes of puberty. It is the psychological and emotional blueprint shaped by our early experiences with our burgeoning sexuality.

What does Abramowitz mean by the "Holographic Hypersexual Hyperspace"?

This is a metaphorical term for the “sexually attenuated reality” that a boy is propelled into at puberty, where the world suddenly appears “luminescently sexual.” It is the environment created by Reproductive Biological Intelligence (RBI) to ensure its agenda is met. The boy is held in this “trance-like state,” which, if left unexamined, leads to the development of Stagnant Chronically Expressed Pubescent Sexuality (SCEPS). This very hyperspace makes a tool like Curiosity-Based Research essential for navigating one’s sexual history without the shame this environment often fosters.

What is "Deep Transformational Sexology" (DTS)?

Deep Transformational Sexology (DTS) is Abramowitz’s term for a therapeutic approach committed to exploring the form of sexuality (awareness, presence, connection) rather than focusing solely on its function (performance, orgasm).

In DTS, the individual is regarded in their totality, and the goal extends beyond resolving dysfunction. The core enterprise of DTS is “waking up” and fostering consciousness-raising within the sexual realm. It is the practical application of the book’s philosophy, aimed at healing the split between humanity and sexuality.

What are the "Sexual Literacy Quotient" and the "Sexual Intimacy Quotient" (SINQ)?

These two terms are introduced as measures of an individual’s development and awareness in their sexual life.

Sexual Literacy Quotient: This refers to the learned ability for deep sexual self-reflection. It is the capacity to expand one’s awareness of oneself as a sexual being, to understand the components of one’s own Human Sexual Design, and to interpret one’s sexual experiences with greater insight.
Sexual Intimacy Quotient (SINQ): This is a measure of one’s current ability to separate from habits and patterns that reduce or inhibit intimate connection with oneself and with others. Unlike a static IQ, the SINQ is fluid and changeable, reflecting one’s ongoing commitment to developing a new level of intimacy.

Understanding these key terms is the first step; the next is to see how these concepts can be practically applied in a professional therapeutic or coaching setting.

Part 4: Practical Application - Using SEXED in Your Professional Practice

For the working professional, theory is only as valuable as its clinical application. This section transitions from Abramowitz’s philosophical framework to the tangible methodologies you can deploy in your practice. We will focus on how to leverage the book’s narrative case studies, practical exercises, and novel concepts like “Curiosity-Based Research” to facilitate client breakthroughs.

Does SEXED offer practical tools or exercises that I can use with my clients?

Yes. The book contains a dedicated section, Chapter 8, titled “The Playbook,” which offers “practical guides and insights to ‘Calm the Chaos’.” This chapter is designed as a resource for men to set up their own personal “sex learning lab” through a series of practice projects.

The goal of these exercises is to move from theoretical understanding to embodied awareness. Examples of the exercises’ objectives include:

Noticing how one habitually sexualizes their surroundings.
Recalibrating the relationship with one’s sex-body through mindful self-pleasuring practices.
Integrating these personal learnings into partnered sexual spaces to foster deeper connection and intimacy.

These projects provide a structured way for clients to engage in the self-enquiry the book advocates.

How does the book use men's personal stories, and how is this useful in a therapeutic context?

Abramowitz presents the detailed narratives of eight men in a section titled “In the Voices of Men” to explore the development of their unique sexual identities. This qualitative approach has significant therapeutic value.

By sharing these stories, the author normalizes the common male experiences of vulnerability, confusion, and secrecy surrounding sexuality. This process serves as a form of “missing ‘mentoring’ that a village provides,” filling a cultural void where men are rarely given a space to hear and recognize their own struggles in the experiences of others.

From these narratives, Abramowitz extracts six common “Meta-themes” (Home Environment, Urge, Secrecy, Guilt and Shame, Discipline–Self-Control, and Vulnerability). This framework is exceptionally useful for therapists, as it provides a clear and relatable structure for clients to begin exploring their own sexual history and its impact on their present lives.

How does Abramowitz address the topic of male sexual vulnerability?

The lack of meaningful discourse around male sexual vulnerability is a central theme of the book. Abramowitz’s research suggests that vulnerability is not an aberration but an “integral and indivisible component” of Human Sexual Design that emerges simultaneously with a man’s sexuality.

The book provides a crucial counter-narrative to the prevailing cultural view of men as solely confident, and often predatory, sexual agents. It explores the emergence and impact of vulnerability across three key stages:

During the biological and emotional chaos of puberty.
In early social and sexual encounters with peers.
As an ongoing factor in adult relationships and sexual identity.

This framework gives professionals a language and a lens to help male clients identify, articulate, and process feelings of vulnerability that they have likely never had permission to explore.

The book introduces "Curiosity-Based Research." How can this concept be applied in my practice?

Curiosity-Based Research (CBR) is a mindset and a method of intensely personal enquiry. It is based on mindfulness, the practice of “turning the volume down on your inner critic,” and moving away from a shame-based or “learned outcome-based” style of self-reflection.

In a therapeutic practice, CBR can be a powerful tool to guide clients in exploring their own sexual history, habits, and feelings without the burden of self-judgment. The goal is to foster a mindset of discovery rather than one of fixing a problem. As a professional, you can use this concept to help clients “sustain a mindset” of gentle, non-judgmental inquisitiveness about their own experiences, which is a foundational step toward self-acceptance and lasting change.

These practical applications demonstrate how the book’s framework can be translated into direct clinical work. We now turn to the final set of questions, which clarify the book’s specific scope and limitations.

Part 5: Scope and Boundaries - Clarifying What the Book Is and Is Not

For any professional resource, understanding its boundaries is as important as understanding its content. This final section addresses what Sexed explicitly states it is not about. Clarifying the book’s scope helps therapists and coaches set appropriate expectations for themselves and their clients, ensuring the material is applied within its intended context and for its intended purpose.

Is this book an excuse for men's bad behavior or a justification based on biology?

No. Abramowitz is unequivocal on this point. He makes it clear that the book is not an excuse for men to behave badly or to use their biological “hardwiring” to perpetrate harm.

The author’s stated intention is precisely the opposite. The text clarifies: “This book is not about assessing men’s responsibilities but rather how acknowledging them brings new and informed levels of responsibility.” The exploration of biological drivers like RBI is framed as a tool for developing greater self-awareness and, consequently, greater accountability—not as a defense for harmful actions.

Does SEXED address issues of sexual orientation or gender identity?

The book clearly defines its scope in this area. Abramowitz specifies that Sexed is not a discussion about sexual identity (e.g., Gay, Straight, Bi, Trans) or a judgment about sexual orientations.

Its focus is more specific: to explore the “weight” of the identity that is acquired when “teenhood meets biology’s reproductive imperatives.” The investigation centers on how this powerful biological event shapes an individual’s sexual being and consciousness, with a particular focus on the development of male heterosexual consciousness.

Is this a book for men only, or is it also a valuable resource for women?

While the primary focus is on the male experience of sexuality, the book is positioned as a valuable resource for women, especially for female therapists and coaches working with male clients.

The author includes a section titled “To the Women,” which invites female readers to find a “landing strip” for the information presented. This is particularly relevant to the central theme of male sexual vulnerability, a concept rarely discussed in mainstream culture. For women, the book offers a rare and candid insight into the “unspoken” aspects of the male sexual journey. This understanding can significantly increase empathy and improve communication in both personal and professional relationships.

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